Thor and Mud Balls
My Daily Mail column about the end of the world brought some really good e-mail.Emile Holroyd, West Virginia Democrat par excellence sent this story:
Dave, I enjoyed your column today tremendously.
Fear of "last days" evaporated for me when I was nine. I no longer can depend on the end of the world to get me out of trouble.
A traveling Bible thumping preacher visited Ahoskie, NC, my home town, when I was nine. He prophesied that Jesus (angry as you say) would bring on "last days" on a hot July Sunday night. He wasn't waiting on Arabs and Jews to start the last great war...Hitler was already doing that.
Several of my friends and I decided it would be safe under the circumstances, to stand on the corner of South and Church Street and throw mud balls at some stuffy neighbors as they drove by coming from a local event. We'd done our homework and knew they'd be passing the corner at about 5 or 10 minutes to nine.
We made mud balls all afternoon. Stacked them like artillery balls in pyramids...and waited.
Sure enough, at about 5 to 9 along came Mr. and Mrs. Camp (grumpy old coots). We hit their car with all we could pitch.
The end of the world did not come. My Father came. No way Jesus could have been that angry.
Anyway, I gave up believing in Armageddon. Revelations holds no fear for me. I know better. Besides this last election, with radical evangelicals pushing Bush, is far more frightening than Armageddon could ever be.
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Then there was this e-mail from another reader:
Mr. Peyton,
I too was "churched" the way you were. Only my God was more like Thor the god of thunder with a BIG HAMMER looking for mortals to squash. I'm so glad I finally figured out that He loved me warts and all. I was finally set free by Grace. Here is a funny poem a friend sent me. It dovetails nicely with your 4/18/05 column. Enjoy
I Dreamed I Went to Heaven
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
By the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
By the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."
posted by Dave Peyton @ 10:15 PM
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